Can moms have nice things?

Can moms have nice things?

Krista: [: 00:00:00

Being unkind or judgmental or giving unsolicited advice. You can absolutely ask for advice in there and get really good feedback. But anyway, you should join that. And I asked a question in there other, the other day that I have been thinking about and I think about it often. It's something that I've been, I've talked about since I opened up the Motherhood Simplified Group and started this podcast, and that is the question of.

you have kids, you can still [: 00:01:00

When you're pregnant, you are pregnant, your body is not your own. It's literally working to support another growing person. Then after. You have the baby, your body still doesn't feel [00:02:00] completely like your own. Like you share it with a baby. Even if you don't breastfeed like that baby is there with you all of the time and then your house starts to feel like it's not your own because now you have all this baby gear inside of it.

All of their stuff is all over it. And it's like your time is not your own anymore. Your money is not your own anymore. Your food is not your own anymore. And. I will, I, my belief is that is part of motherhood, right? That is just part of motherhood and parenthood in general. But it doesn't have to be the only part, and that's why I think that it is so essential for moms to have nice things.

Okay? Now here's what I mean by nice things. When I say nice things, I do not necessarily mean expensive things, fragile things, breakable things, or even all of the things that you had before kids, because yes. Kids are gonna break things. They are going to destroy things, they're going to color on things, and that just is what it is.

r expectations and realizing [: 00:03:00

Maybe you don't wear your more expensive clothes right now, right? Maybe you change the way that you dress, but it's still possible to have things that you like and enjoy that are your own, right? That you establish boundaries of Hey, this is my stuff, this is my corner. These are my things, because.

That's a normal part of living with other people is setting and establishing boundaries. So it's not that you can't have nice things, it's that you've got to adjust your expectations around what nice things are, things for you, things that are your own, things that you enjoy, things that you want to have, right?

u can do that too. Some moms [: 00:04:00

Cuz if you are a mom who's feeling like nothing is yours and you have nothing for yourself. You probably believe that you can't have nice things and making that mean that you can't have anything for yourself, and that is not true. Mandy in the group says, for me, cultivating and caring for what items I decide to keep in my home has become even more and important since little eyes are watching, which is, a big.

Part of the conversation of people who are saying, yes, you can't have nice things, right? You want to teach your kids how to have nice things. And for me, that's true. So I wanna, talk about this, just, a couple layers deeper because the answer is never black and white, this or that. There's always the in between.

Okay? So yes[: 00:05:00

So that is important. Now, I will also say that as a mom of five who has had many different seasons of my life, you can listen to last week's podcast episode for an update on this. There are some seasons of my life where I am not in the zone. To do anything above and beyond. Like I know that there is, and I've believed this in certain seasons of my life, where I'm like, no baby gates, no baby logs.

nna do Sometimes. And then in: 2020

Because when I'm dealing with all of these other kids, and we were homeschooling at that point. And I'm trying to have these high level conversations with my big kids, and I've got a baby who can crawl and I've got a toddler who can climb. Like I'm not in the mode to just know, have eyes on every corner of the house.

Like it wasn't possible. They just, those are just some things to think about, right? Like maybe right now, even putting things up and outta reach isn't an option for you. And that's okay. It won't be like that forever. And you can still find different ways to teach your kids how to how to take care of their things.

are that if if you keep them [: 00:07:00

Some people do. I had a friend growing up where they had this white room, it was called that the white room, and nobody was allowed to go in it. And it was very strange to me. But you might enjoy doing that, right? But I think the problem with this kind of thinking when you say no or only if you do this or.

Something along those lines is that you're immediately writing off the possibility of you having things that you like and enjoy in your house, and you're immediately writing off an opportunity to establish and create healthy boundaries and respect for each other's stuff. So that's why I wanted to do this podcast too, to talk about like the different sides of it.

Couches, and carpets. No. So [: 00:08:00

We had to completely renovate it. And I'm with you on the carpets. No thank you. We have hardwood floor everywhere now. It's amazing. No regrets. There is no possible way with cats and five kids that I could keep carpet. Nice. Just not gonna happen for me not. And if it is gonna happen for me, it's gonna take way more work and effort than I am willing to put in.

So I'm with you on that. And I'm with you on the couch too, in certain seasons of my life. Like my cat, my, not my cats. Wow. It's not even my cats who are doing it, it's my kids. We have terrible fabric on our couch and they're just pulling it off because you just pull one string and the rest of it comes off.

into the conversation of it [: 00:09:00

That's certain seasons of my life. Yes. So true. Now this was my favorite answer because I was just telling my admins about this. Actually, you know what I think I was thinking in my head and I never actually told them. One of our admins of the Facebook group is coming to visit me in a couple weeks, and I'm like, oh my gosh, she's gonna see my house, she's gonna see the real deal.

She's gonna see if I actually practice what I preach. And I'm like, okay, my house looks normal. Like I, I am practicing what I preach. The problem is that my kids put so much wear and tear on certain things of the house, like the couches, like the chairs, like the dining room table. There's just a lot of wear and tear on things that we use all of the time.

It just happens so [: 00:10:00

Okay. I'm gonna read one more one more comment from the Facebook group and then we'll wrap this up. I love this one because it says yes, but then I find that my priorities and interests just shifted while the kids were little. So a lot of fragile items didn't really hold my interest or I didn't have time for them.

As the kids get bigger, I'm finding myself with more time for myself again and again. My interests are changing. So yes, you can have nice things, but also life has stages and I'm comfortable with that. So that to me, sums up my thoughts on this. It's seasons. You, I, again, like I said, go listen to the episode last week where I talk about the different seasons of life that I've had throughout this podcast.

You can hear like [: 00:11:00

And you have to be diligent and you have to be like obsessing over it. You're gonna miss so much of your life. And for me, it's in the in between. Yeah, we have nice things. Yes, we take care of our stuff. Yes, we like to make our spaces beautiful and take care of it and upgrade it and keep it nice. And fix it when possible.

Replace it if it needs to be. But we're not obsessing over it, right? We're not worried about breaking things or being like, you broke the nice, the nice dishes. It's like you, you broke the dishes, which that's what my cats break. My cats break the dishes. But I think the answer lies in between.

you? How much can you know? [: 00:12:00

That's the secret. That's the answer, I think so. Yeah, I thought it was a fun conversation and if you would like to join the Facebook group and go chime in with your opinion on this or just read the comments of what everybody else said, the link to join the Facebook group is in the description of this episode.

We would love to see you there. It's a great place not only to get ideas, but also a great place to ask for feedback. So if you're struggling with what to declutter or how to declutter or what to simplify or how to simplify, That group is the best place on the internet to get the support that you're looking for.

So go join that group and we'll see you on the next episode.